Galvanize

Dont hold back...

 If you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face...
Don't hold back...
You think its time you get up, crunch time, like a sit up, come on keep pace...
Don't hold back...
Put apprehension on the back burner, let it sit, dont even get it lit...
Don't hold back...
Get involved with the jam, don't be a prick, hot chick, be a dick....
Don't hold back...

 - Galvanize, The Chemical Brothers - 

The last couple of weeks have been utter madness! My Rituximab infusion did not got exactly as planned after I started to show signs of an allergic reaction about an hour into the treatment. My beautiful nana died a few days after that. My pet sheep, Wilbur has gone missing and I now have some bizarre infection in my lymph nodes. Seriously?! I nearly chose a song with a bit of a potty mouth title just to express my complete and utter frustration at the shit flying everywhere right now! I returned from my nana's funeral in Yeppoon yesterday feeling pretty unwell. I went to bed last night with a swollen neck and feeling hideous only to awake and find that Wilbur has gone AWOL. We have spent a large portion of the day driving around looking for him but we can't hear fim respond (as he usually does) so we are worried he is long gone. It sounds like I have trivialised the loss of my nana, GG, but I assure you it's just that I don't know where to start or how to reconcile the last couple of weeks.

GG was the closest grandma of mine and she was a brilliant woman. She was a talented artist of many mediums. She was warm and fuzzy and she had fantastic skin until the day she died. There are many platitudes I could trot out here, that people always say to make you feel better, about how she is no longer suffering and blah blah blah, but it is true and she will be greatly missed.

I am sitting in bed as I type having myself a little pity party and feeling  further from well than I would like. Wolfgang's lovely sister, who is incidentally a GP, checked me out today at a family brunch and said I have some kind of infection that is expressing itself in an unusual way due to the immunosuppressant. Have you ever asked someone for their professional time off the clock, on a Sunday, pro bono? It feels awkward and intrusive but she is so lovely and I really needed some medical advice pronto. So I have to get blood work done tomorrow and I have to delay the next Ritux infusion in 3 days AGAIN. After the reaction I had a couple of weeks ago I have been...umm...less than enthusiastic about this upcoming one. They can't administer treatment when I am unwell so it's off to the docs again to sort out this infection. BLAHHHHH. Ok, this is starting to read like an online diary. Are you bored? I'm not. I could bitch ALL night about this! So I don't alienate my few readers I will abridge the rest of this post. And they all lived happily ever after, The End. OMG. That just reminded me of this:

Anyway. So the question is: do I take the day off work tomorrow getting tests and then banging my latest, and by far, greatest investment, my Tibetan singing bowl? I think we all know the answer now. I realised I really do not manage my stress levels well and that's really not good for my health. I've had trouble with yoga and meditation lately so I got this amazeballs singing bowl and it totally steals my attention from everything when I use it. Internal and external chatter just stops so I'm 5 days in and I'm hooked. For me stress just causes this incessant chatter in my mind and I tend to overthink everything and every adversity just about breaks my back. So I'm banging that bowl A LOT and it works!

So. Galvanize. I heart the Chemical Brothers. Although this song is not my favourite it's got some interesting sounds. The Chemical Brothers just do this crazy thing where they build up and up and up and then it comes crashing down around you. That's what I love about them anyway. Like building a giant leggo tower and then knocking it down. I dig it. They have one song in particular (the title escapes me right now) but it's a perfect example of that analogy. Okay. Just listen to the song.

Good night GG and Wilbur, wherever you are.