Thursday, 20 October 2011

Number 6

My neuro's registrar called me yesterday with some less than good news. I have a new lesion in my thalamus. I have been hesitant to post this today, since I am in a bit of shock, but this is part of the 'journey' (for want of a better word) I'm on. So I'm sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. I am unsure if I am feeling unwell today due to the MS, or if I am just shell-shocked. Maybe a bit of both. I feel like a puffy lump of lead. I feel like MS is trying to kill me, and I worry that it will win. I am worried about what is happening to my thalamus as I type this. It's a pretty critical part of one's brain and I really need it to work, damn it. I am terrified, in a word. I am considering writing a living will, just in case things get nasty again. We are hoping approval for the chemo comes through next week so we can get on top of it before any damage occurs. I fainted and vomited at a cafe near my office two days ago (was pretty embarrassing!). I brushed it off as low blood pressure or low sugar, but now I worry that it was my brain. Worry, worry, worry. I am looking for some positives but admit I am feeling defeated today.

If you are needing some inspiration today, all I can say is: be grateful for what you have now, because I am.


  1. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for what I have Kpow....I don't always remember it, and I should.

  2. KPow,
    Paul and Dane from Canada here. Just read the latest blog with sadness. So sorry to hear the latest news. You are a tough ol broad so hang in there. Some good news is just round the corner. Thinking of you and DT and your family.

  3. Hi Paul and Dane
    Thank you for your lovely message. There has been some different news in the last few days - not altogether bad, but it could be better. I had some more chemo yesterday and will have more in a fortnight. I'm feeling surprisingly good though so that's a positive! DT is a bit exhausted and I'm trying to convince him to take a day off and rest with me, but he's a stubborn bugger.
    I hope you are all keeping well up there.
    Love Kirsty