Number 6

My neuro's registrar called me yesterday with some less than good news. I have a new lesion in my thalamus. I have been hesitant to post this today, since I am in a bit of shock, but this is part of the 'journey' (for want of a better word) I'm on. So I'm sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. I am unsure if I am feeling unwell today due to the MS, or if I am just shell-shocked. Maybe a bit of both. I feel like a puffy lump of lead. I feel like MS is trying to kill me, and I worry that it will win. I am worried about what is happening to my thalamus as I type this. It's a pretty critical part of one's brain and I really need it to work, damn it. I am terrified, in a word. I am considering writing a living will, just in case things get nasty again. We are hoping approval for the chemo comes through next week so we can get on top of it before any damage occurs. I fainted and vomited at a cafe near my office two days ago (was pretty embarrassing!). I brushed it off as low blood pressure or low sugar, but now I worry that it was my brain. Worry, worry, worry. I am looking for some positives but admit I am feeling defeated today.

If you are needing some inspiration today, all I can say is: be grateful for what you have now, because I am.